Nicholas Bate

The Man who Mistook his Laptop for his Life

The story so far.

I run a one-to-one coaching programme which I have evolved over the last five years. It works. It's ten 6o minutes sessions. Some listening, some discussion, some actions. There are a few points: I am expensive. Any cancellations without a very, very good reason and we cancel the programme.

How much?

Wow, that is expensive!

I know: focuses the mind, doesn't it? That's the intention.

OK: let's do it. When can we start?

0900 tomorrow. I'll be here and I guess you will, too! Get plenty of rest.

He felt a lot better. He felt Will Power would be able to help him. He slept.

Need a bit of inspiration on work/life balance? Try Get a Life.

The Man who Mistook his Laptop for his Life

The story so far.

Allan collected his thoughts to leave a message. Hi; this is Allan. We met when you most probably saved my Life on the M5 about a week ago. Ring me back as soon as you can; you encouraged me to Get a Life: I think I need some help with that. Thank you.

He put the phone down; he felt better for making that call. He sipped some water. His mobile vibrated; he didn't recognise the number and answered it.

Hi Allan. It's Will. Will Power.

Oh, Will. Thanks for ringing. That was prompt.

Well, I'm gald you rang while you are still alive if you will pardon the paradox. So, how can I help?

I need to start living a different Life from the one I have been.

OK. But what have you been living to date?

Something. I'm not sure what. A lie. A life in which I meet expectations, but many of those are wrong, I think. A life in which somehow I ignore those who are and that which is most imprtant to me. A Life in which I get seduced into the most dreadful urgency.

Well, that of course is a clear articulation of how many are living their lives at the moment. Tell me about those expectations..

Well, of stuff which actually doesn't seem that important after all, now.

Ok. Well it seems as if you have been doing a lot of good thinking already. I am sure I can help. What are you doing currently? At work?

Well, actually I am in hospital

Ah. Well, that does focus the mind.

Allan rapidly told his tale to date.

OK. Right. Here's the deal.

Need work/life balance inspiration? Get a Life.

The Man who Mistook his Life for his Laptop

The story so far.

Stop. Allan. I love you and that is all that is important at the moment. I know you will want to know that the pitch was lost. But your job is safe. And that's all you need to know at the moment. I know you have been told about your health and we can work this out. So, how do you feel?

An amazing sense of relief to be honest. And you?

Relief, too. It simply wasn't working: I couldn't break your pattern of work addiction. I hope this might do it. And if it does, then something worthwhile has come out of this. I was very worried how it might all end. That you would fall asleep at the wheel or just walk out on us.

Well, I was going crazy and it had to change. And will change. I just need to decide how.

They held each other. They talked a little about dreams. About changing everything. But he was tired, so tired and he dozed off.

He awoke; refereshed. Time for that call. Was this the first time in his Life when he wasn't sure exactly what he was trying to achieve? Oh well, let's just do it.

He rang the number on Will Power's card. A message broke in.

"Hi. This is Will Power. Keep listening! I'm not here in person for you at the moment. However I will get back to you remarkably quickly; simply leave your name and number. Thank you; speak soon. Will"

Need work/life balance inspiration? Get a Life.

The Man who Mistook his Laptop for his Life

For the story so far

It was funny, but it did seem like a good time to have this card. Serendipity; that was the word. That was the title of the film he and Susan had enjoyed so much. He was surprised at how intrigued at the time he had become by the topic: of things happening at the right time apparently coincidentally and giving messages. I mean, a lot of things had to happen to get that business card into his hands at at time when he was able to reflect on it. Should he contact this guy? Why not? Nothing to lose. Maybe a lot to gain. Even given the circumstances of their last meeting he liked the guy.

First he needed a phone. And here was Susan.

Allan. Her hug was strong, very strong. And she was crying. How are you? Merely exhausted. I've been lucky, I know. Susan I know this is silly, but before we talk: one thing. I HAVE learnt from this incident. I know I messed up. I have no excuse apart from I guess I was trying to do my best. But I lost it: the big picture that is. I love you, I love our son. I will get back on track. I promise.

Need some inspiration. Try Get a Life.

The Man who Mistook his Laptop for his Life

For the story so far Ok, I am sure you are right. In fact, I know you are right. Can I get some coffee? You can, but it's the last for the day: your diet we understand has been poor and stacked full of stimulants and that's where we can rapidly start helping you get well. Ah, here's Dr Wensley your consultant. So Allan. I know Nurse will have done an excellent job giving you a fair perspective of how things stand at the moment. I would say overall excellent as long as you can make plenty of changes. In a case like this, it's not about surgery, even drugs. It's down to you. So, I suggest you continue your rest and we'll talk more fully tomorrow; your wife I understand will be here soon. They both left him and the room fell silent bar the hum of the air conditioning. He didn't feel so bad; he know he had been really lucky. And what a diagnosis: no operation, no drugs. Just rest! But then it struck him: his presentation: what happened? And his career? In ruins? To be honest. And he did feel very honest. He wasn't sure he actually cared. He didn't even seem too bothered about their current money problems. Maybe he was hallucinating? Ah. Coffee. The nurse who brought it helped him sit up in bed: it was a struggle. As she left he scanned on the side table the things from his jacket pockets. His wallet. His Mont Blanc pen. A business card. Oh yes! he smiled agin. Will Power, the guy who certainly saved his Life on the motorway. He re-read the card: William Power "Will Power" Life Coach from Ordinary to Extraordinary he flipped it over: Give me 2 hours of your time and pay my high fee and I'll get you your Life back. Or your money back plus 10%. Need some fresh thinking on work/life balance? Try Get a Life.

The Man who Mistook his Laptop for his life

For the story so far

Obviously your wife Susan has visited and has been kept fully informed; she said to say she will be back in a couple of hours. Your consultant Mr Wensley will be here soon. Any immediate questions? How long? We really can't say. A full recovery will take years. You could be on your feet in a couple of months. Remember at the moment things don't seem so bad thanks to pain killers. Once we withdraw these you will have no energy, pain and possible depression. And of course, not least of all you will have significant problems in not being able to walk properly. At this stage I want just three things: (1) get you understanding the changes you must make (2) off drugs (3) sleeping well.

Good-well I will leave you to rest and speak to you a little later.

Just before you go.... so clearly-there'll be no rapid return to work? Allan pulled himself up again in the bed and looked around. What do I have here?

Nothing. A few personal belongings: wallet, phone etc. Your wife said she'd bring in some novels you have been meaning to read and your ipod.

I need to get hold of my laptop.

With all respect, Allan;that is where you are wrong. Much illness is stress-related. You do not need your lap-top at the moment. What you need to learn is to get your Life back.

Need some fresh thinking on work/life balance? Try Get a Life.

The Man who Mistook his Laptop for his Life

For the story so far

The good news is that you didn't have a heart attack nor a stroke. But what you do have is a post-viral syndrome. In simple terms your immune system is no longer fully working; probably because-from what I hear-you have pushed yourself too hard and it has collapsed. If it does not seem too simplistic, your body simply decided you had to be immobilised for a while.

Well, I guess it could be worse. A lot worse. So, where am I now and how is my family?

Ah-questions. And some answers.

You are in Intensive Care at Rowley Hospital. Your syndrome is rare and we do not know that much about it except that rest will help you recover. Whether that recovery will be complete we do not know at this stage. Many do recover fully, but many do not. You will find that you are paralysed in your legs. Yes, I know it does sound frightening, but if you think of it in terms of the body 'fighting back' to the way you have treated it, it is reversible. It has in other cases attacked the lungs and people do die. But with you we would expect a slow, full recovery. You have cleary been fit in the past and that will stand you in good stead.

So, treatment is simple. Rest, more rest. Physical and mental. You are on pain-killers at the monemt and we will get you off those asap. But, this is the thing which is most important for you Allan: you must change your lifestyle. What you are doing is not sustainable and if you do not make fundametal changes now and for the future, the long term prognosis is not at all good.

Need some fresh thinking on worklife balance? Try Get a Life.

The Man who Mistook his Laptop for his Life

For the story so far

Allan awoke. Oh. This feels different: sort of calm but also deep down very un-well.

It was quiet. Hospital. Private hospital. He had sort of known he was heading here; he had heard about people being on self-destruct paths before and never thought it would be him.

The lighting was discrete, subdued. Equipment was humming somewhere, but nothing seemed to be connected to him which was a big relief. What time was it? He wasn't wearing his watch. First test: did he have enough energy to find it? He went to push up on his elbows but it simply didn't work. Mmm. Clearly he wasn't well, but pumped full of drugs so he couldn't feel anything. It would be good to know what was happening; there's probabaly a bell I can push. Ahh, just think and it happens: the door opened.

Morning Allan. I'm Jo, the Head Nurse here. Do you feel well enough to talk? Good. As you no doubt remember you collapsed onTuesday morning. You were rushed here by ambulance; it's now Wednesday morning and you have had about 24h sleep, aided by some sleeping tablets. There's plenty of good news and a bit of bad: that latter is manageable, we believe.

Need some fresh thinking on worklife balance. Try Get a Life.

The Man who Mistook his Laptop for his Life

The story so far?
See here.

His best suit. New shirt and new tie. Wallet, phone and Blackberry. The clutch of business cards he had collected over the last few weeks which needed to be scanned into his computer. His laptop. Let's go.

Corporate HQ, even on this special day was quiet at 0645. The seminar room looked good. He slurped his coffee. He really felt absolutely awful. And unfortunately he knew he looked it, too. Only 5h to go then rest and a doctor. And await official order and step-up to the board.

In the quiet of the room he stepped through his presenation. His voice was weak; he felt frail. This was crazy; he'd gone too far. But he couldn't leave it now. One by one the team arrived; they all agreed he should be in bed.

The client team arrived: expectant.

He sat quietly. Jim gave a great 10 minute introduction and then handed over to Allan. As Allan got up, he stumbled, re-gained his balance. He laughed it off, stepped up to the podium for slide 1 then collapsed.

To be continued Monday next week at 1500.

Fresh thinking? Get a Life.

the Man who Mistook his Laptop for his Life

The story so far?
See here.

Go, go, go he said to himself: it's all mental. He dragged himself from bed, a little concerned at his own continued instability and his wife's concern. The relationship was growing so poor at each increasing day they were rarely saying much to each other.

The shower was long and soothing but not reviving. This wasn't good. He'd got to survive until Tuesday. Then he would rest and see a dcotor.

Monday was a haze; he didn't remember the journey at all. His coffee and pastry were not at all attractive; nothing was tasting good at the moment. He ignored his work. There was little more now that could be done apart from the rehearsal.

3pm
Allan-this may not be a good time to catch you but just to confirm that Jim is tarting formal proceedings against you: HR will keep you up-to-date. I have to say, his case looks strong.
OK: thanks. But not now. In 24h.

Tuesday am was a nightmare. He'd set his alarm for 0500 noting how long it was taking him to get ready these days.

He paused: was it really, really worth it? He never thought like that before? And the answer was probably no.

Fresh thinking? Get a Life.